i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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