My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
