ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
