I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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