Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Someone came in the potted fern
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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