That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
