The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize