Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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