did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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