When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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