I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
