I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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