Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize