I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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