I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
