did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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