My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
