Your face is a jimmy john
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
