Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
