He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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