another moral hangover. fuck.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
