Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
