just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
