That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
wow bdsm is so cute
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize