Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
