you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
