I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
