Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
