i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize