is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I will be naked everywhere
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
