Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
