chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize