I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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