even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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