Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
