I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
