what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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