guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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