I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
