the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
this boner is exhausting
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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