I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
