I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You made out with two different species that night
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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