Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
