He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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