god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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