I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
