No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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