that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
