oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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