apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
