Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
