Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
