So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
