I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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