it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
a search helicopter?!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
