It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How's work?
Spinning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
