I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I enjoy the company of your penis
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