Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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