Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
