she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
