i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
