today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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