she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
