It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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