i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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