She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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