I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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