HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
