if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
