You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
