Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
