just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize