Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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