You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize