The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
