I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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