My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
