Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
