Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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