Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
