the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
