it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
