And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
