I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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