take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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