so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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