1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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