I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
