i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
