I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
