I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
