Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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