dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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