I'm going to jail i love you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
