Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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