You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
