Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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